10 Signs You’re Sabotaging Relationships
(and Why It Comes from Trauma)
The Story
You leave a bad relationship and promise yourself, “Never again.” You believe you’ve learned your lesson, that next time will be different.
Then you meet someone new. He seems perfect. For a while, you feel hope.
But slowly, the same patterns return. Pain comes up out of nowhere. You shut down. Communication breaks. Tears fall, and the person in front of you can’t understand why.
Before long, you’re back in the same loop: shame, embarrassment, feeling like you’re not good enough, unworthy, broken.
You start believing it’s your fault — that love just isn’t for you.
The truth? You’re not broken. You’re carrying trauma.
10 Signs You’re Sabotaging Relationships
Here are some of the ways unresolved trauma shows up:
You shut down when emotions get intense.
You over-explain or apologize constantly.
You can’t fully trust, even when your partner hasn’t done anything wrong.
You push love away — picking fights, withdrawing, or ghosting when things get close.
You keep attracting the same unhealthy partners, different face, same pain.
You avoid intimacy because closeness feels unsafe.
You’re easily triggered — small comments feel like deep wounds.
You sabotage good connections because they feel “too good to be true.”
You feel unworthy — convinced no one could ever love the “real you.”
You feel stuck in cycles of failed relationships, wondering what’s wrong with you.
Why This Happens
These aren’t personality flaws. They’re trauma responses.
When you carry unresolved trauma, your nervous system is trained to expect danger.
Love feels unsafe. Intimacy feels risky. Safety feels foreign.
That’s why communication breaks, why you cry without knowing why, and why partners don’t understand.
Because it’s not “you being difficult” — it’s trauma replaying itself.
Quick Healing Practice (Try This Now)
Here’s a simple way to begin calming those patterns:
Close your eyes. Place a hand on your chest or belly.
Picture your younger self at the age you first felt “not good enough.”
Gently tell her: “You are safe. You are enough. I’ve got you now.”
This practice may seem small, but it tells your nervous system something new: that safety and worth can exist here, now.
Want to Go Deeper?
The 10 signs above are only the surface.
👉 Download the free PDF “10 Signs You’re Carrying Trauma in Your Relationships” for a deeper breakdown of each sign and how it shows up in daily life.
Inside, you’ll also learn what each sign means, and the first steps to begin shifting it.
The Hope
Healing trauma isn’t just about letting go of the past. It’s about giving yourself a future where love doesn’t feel like a battle.
By finding and healing the triggers that taught you “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unworthy,” everything shifts:
You attract healthier partners.
Communication feels easier.
Boundaries come naturally.
Love becomes a place where you can finally rest.
You don’t have to stay stuck in the loop. Your story can change.
